


Damn Thing

by Narrissic



Series: Ereri [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Injuries, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans!Levi, eren is 18, mentions of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26655811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narrissic/pseuds/Narrissic
Summary: Following years of binding unhealthily, Levi is at the end of his ropes.
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: Ereri [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923106
Kudos: 57





	Damn Thing

**Author's Note:**

> as written by a trans person.

As the final, tighter portion of the bandage was unwrapped, I winced, and held my ribs.

No wonder I wasn't being allowed to do this anymore.. it was taking a tole on my health, but more importantly my performance in the field. 

When the excruciating ache began in the middle of some routine field work, I had excused myself. 

More like I just left, but I didn't feel anyone's eyes on me except Eren when leaving. 

Eren.

Erwin and more recently Hange were the only ones who knew. 

I knew though at some point Eren would have to find out.. if the way he was kissing me a few weeks later told me anything. 

It was wet and hot and deep, and we only pulled away for air when necessary. 

I meanwhile was going through the motions; Eren and I had never gone this far in kissing, and I was lost in it, I didn't want it to stop. 

I grunted as Eren pushed my midsection, where my ribs were, and I was against the wall. Damn that hurt.

he closed the distance quickly, and I almost forgot about the pain until he was sliding his hand down my body. 

And all at once I realized in a panic what he was doing. 

I moaned anyway when he palmed me, but Eren got a weird expression on his face, and pulled away. It looked like a question mark was written on his face. 

"Are you not..?"

"Eren-"

Fuck, how would I explain this? 

The usual lies ran through my head, but based on the expression on Eren's face, I couldn't just lie to him. 

"Levi, are you not, like are you not attracted to me?"

Fuck, where would I start?

"Eren.. I can explain."

"I can just go.."

"No." I closed the distance between us by grabbing his tunic. "I can explain."

And so I did. I sat him down and explained how I had been born in the wrong body, the bandages, the haircut, and the hormones. How I hid it so well. 

I explained that I didn't have a dick, and that I did like what he was doing, just in a way he wasn't expecting. 

We sat in silence for some time.

I hadn't had a choice; if I just let Eren go I would lose him forever, and now he knows my secret. So I may lose him, and the survey corp both either way.

If he outed me.

Part of me was sure he wouldn't do that, but granted I was still scared, inwardly. If he wanted, he could. 

God, the silence was unbearable. If he wouldn't say something, I might have to. 

"I'm sorry." What the fuck was I saying. "I didn't know how to tell you before. I hope this doesn't change the way you think about me." 

Eren finally looked at me. "It doesn't," he said. "I'm just confused. You said your brain is male while your body is female. How could that of happened?"

That's what he was worried about?

"That's what Hange thinks. You can ask her," I murmured. "I just know how I feel."

Eren blinked, turned to me, and nodded once. "Okay. Well.." He took my hands. "This doesn't change how I think about you. And I'll never tell anyone," he said, reflecting what I was thinking. "But do you wanna continue where we left off?"

I did. 

Not to mention, telling him had went better than I could have dreamed. He accepted me.

And so I kissed him.

A few weeks later, I was watching over some recruits sparring when I received word to report to Hange immediately.

I knew exactly what this was about.

So again I left in the middle of training, and approached the med bay. It was out of use in times of training between expeditions, so it worked as a meeting place. 

I took the parcel from them, an unreadable expression on their face. 

"I'll explain how it works. Considering the size of your chest and your injuries I had to make some adjustments, but it's rather simple, really-"

When Hange started talking about my chest, I abruptly took the parcel and left the room. 

My shitty hands were shaking, I noticed, as I set it down on the desk in my quarters. 

I just couldn't hear about it, I didn't want Hange talking about it like that. 

Shame engulfed me, and I rubbed my face. 

I tried to remember what Hange had told me about it. It was a piece of clothing, newly developed in secret and was Hange's own design. 

I still wouldn't know what to expect though, seeing how I didn't ask any questions and didn't stick around to listen to her explain it. 

It was just a piece of clothing though, likely a shirt. 

God.

I stared at the parcel. So this was my last chance at staying in the survey corps.. right. What a shitty last resort. 

Suddenly there was a rapping upon the door, and I turned. I wasn't wearing my bandages. If I let whoever it was in, it was over. 

"It's me, Eren, sir."

I huffed. "Come in."

Eren entered and I leaned against the wall. "What do you want?"

"I noticed you weren't at training today. Is your chest bothering you again?"

"Yeah, but that's not why I left. I got the package."

"Oh!" Eren approached, and shared my gaze with it. "Isn't that a good thing?"

I said nothing, undoing the strings of the parcel and taking it out. It seemed like Hange had done their best to match my skin tone. It looked like a tank top. 

Sighing, I took it, and sat down on the seat in front of the bed, scrunching it up in my hands. 

"You're worried."

"What if it doesn't fit?"

"Levi.." Eren seemed affronted, like he'd just been insulted. "Hange made it especially for you, I mean she took your measurements, right?"

"Begrudgingly," I muttered.

"Then there shouldn't be a problem!"

He sounded so jovial. Like everything wasn't riding on this stupid.. chest binder. 

"You don't understand, Eren. That was a year ago. It took a year to design it, scrounge up the materials, and manufacture it, all in secret. If this thing-" I flung it across the room. "-doesn't fit me, and I can't use bandages anymore, I can't hide my chest. If I can't hide my chest I'll be expunged from the survey corps. Can't have a freak as captain after all," I told him meekly. 

"Well the people who oversee Erwin are fucking idiots. It shouldn't matter how you were born, just that you kill titans and you're damn good at doing it!"

Eren gestured wildly.

"I know, Eren. That's what shitty Eyebrows told them. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore if this damn thing doesn't fit."

"So what if it doesn't? Can't Hange just make another one?"

I looked at him. "Tsk. And still keep it a secret from the bastards that made it? No fucking way. They won't make another one without asking questions. If this doesn't work I'm fucked, Eren."

We sat in silence for a while. I could practically see the steam billowing out of Eren's ears. What was he thinking?

"If it doesn't work.. have you considered surgery? You know, to take them off."

Idiot. A heartwarming idiot but an idiot nonetheless. 

"How are we gonna lie to the surgeon about a procedure he's doing? Not that he'd know how. It'd be a stab in the dark, but if this doesn't work, that might have to be the next thing to consider."

It wouldn't work, I knew that. Even the best damn surgeon in the walls wouldn't have the training to do that kind of thing. 

And the survey corps or anyone else wouldn't shell out that much money- both to do the surgery and to keep the surgeon quiet- just for me.

But it's damn hard to turn Jaeger down with an idea like that. 

The damn things gone forever.. not worrying about how my chest looks or if they showed.. sounds damn good to me. 

But it just wouldn't work. 

Eren stood.

"Let's try it on then. There's no harm in trying, and since you're scared, I'll be there to make you fearless!" he exclaimed, and I cringed.

Fear. I hated the feeling, but I couldn't deny he was right, and I hadn't even admitted it.

I was scared. 

And if I was ever taught anything about fear, I pushed it down. I can't just sit here and wallow, because then I'm fucked either way. 

I stood too. 

"Fine," I said. "Help me."

Eren moved to take off my shirt. 

"Not with the shirt, asshole," I snapped. "I can take off my own damn clothes."

"I'm sorry, si-Levi. I'm just trying to help."

Once it was off, I held it over my chest, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. 

"I know," I murmured, and faced him. "I'm stressed. I shouldn't take it out on you. I'm sorry."

"Forgiven." Eren smiled, and kissed me softly, full of care. 

I had meant it too, when I said I was sorry. I just snap when things don't go my way sometimes. And Eren doesn't deserve that, for all he's done for me. 

He's made me less of an ass, for one. I'm more okay with my body around him and almost in general. He gave me love, something I didn't believe I deserved. 

"Ready?"

Eren had picked the chest binder off the ground. It was made of elastic in the front. It should construct my chest enough to make it appear flat, if it fit properly that is. 

"Sure," I muttered, and folded the shirt neatly before placing it on the foot of the bed. 

Obviously Eren had seen me shirtless before, so that wasn't a big deal for me. Plus, he kept his gaze meeting mine too. Chivalry wasn't dead to him, I'll give him that. 

He respected me. 

Based off appearances alone, it seemed like a tank top. Simple enough, I thought, and put it over my head, with Eren's help of course. 

"The thing's so.. damn.. tight," I complained. 

"I think it's meant to be tight, sir."

"Don't smartass me, Jaeger," I growled, lacking any bite. Hopefully he was right, and it was supposed to be that tight. 

It had to be pulled down over my chest. Eren helped with the back while I got the front. 

"Wow you have a mole here-"

"It doesn't work.." I muttered, and strode to the mirror, almost in disbelief. It was as I thought- the damn thing didn't flatten my chest at all! It was like a bra!

Disgusted, I looked to Eren. "What now."

"Umm.. maybe it's on backwards? You said the front is supposed to be made of elastic. The back felt like that, did the front?"

"No," I snarled, and checked. There wasn't a tag. 

"Okay, we'll just turn it the other way. That shouldn't be a big deal, right?"

"If I can."

"I'll help."

Turns out, getting it off was more of a challenge than putting it on. After a lot of struggling I put both my arms up, allowing Eren to remove it for me. 

He put it outside-in again, evidently took note of the elastic-y part, and motioned for me to raise my arms again. 

Feeling like a child, I did so anyway. 

Eren as such pulled it down, front and back, and I couldn't even look at myself, and crossed my arms, hiding my chest. 

"It doesn't look any better, does it."

"Levi-"

"I still look like a-"

"Levi, look!" Eren shook me.

I looked, and uncovered my chest. 

It was remarkable. 

With my side view in the mirror, I ran my hand flat down the expanse of my chest. A habit, at this point. 

It was perfect. 

My pecs were flat, flatter than the bandages ever did me, but still refined enough to imitate what the typical male chest looked like. 

"I think that's enough, don't you!?" Eren, full of excitement, crowded up behind me, and hugged me. 

"Yeah.. it just might be."

Of course, my answer was understated. I insisted on sleeping with it on, but Eren advised against it. 

"Eight hours," he reminded me. "And no sleeping in it."

So, begrudgingly him and I slept normally that night, though not without congratulations sex first, and first thing I did when I woke up was put it on, almost fearing it had been a dream. 

But it wasn't. 

It still fit, still flattened, still was perfect, which astounded me. I had to thank Hange at some point, despite my pride. Just had to. 

And no one treated me any different, either. They didn't notice a thing under the undershirt and jacket. 

Eren still had to remind me to take it off at the end of most days, but I was proud of myself. It looks like I wouldn't have to quit the survey corps after all, and my relationship wasn't in shambles, either.

Though I still held my heart out for surgery, one day. Maybe when this type of thing- the type of person I am- would be more accepted. 

At any rate, I was happy.


End file.
